


you have goat to be kidding me

by lazyfish



Series: promptober [9]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 00:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20957699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazyfish/pseuds/lazyfish
Summary: Hunter learns about Goat-man. He is confused.





	you have goat to be kidding me

“I just don’t get it!” Hunter repeats for the eleventh time in three sentences. “A goat. But a man? A goat-man? Why not just call it a satyr, we have those already!”

“Can we take a moment to appreciate Hunter knows what a satyr is?” Bobbi asks, knocking her shoulder against Mel’s. Melinda chuckles, twining her fingers through Bobbi’s. They’re sitting on the couch together while Hunter paces through the living room, looking more agitated about the goat-man than he has the right to be.

“You know I’ve seen The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe!” Hunter snaps. “You’re the one who made me watch it!”

Melinda raises her eyebrows. C.S. Lewis didn’t seem to be Bobbi or Hunter’s style. She’d get the story out of them someday.

“And why does he carry an axe!? That makes no sense!”

“Lance, baby,” Melinda says, lowering her voice into a soothing timber. “It’s an urban legend. It’s meant to keep kids from having sex in their cars. It’s not real.” Telling him about the myth from the town near where she had gone to high school had been a mistake.

“But a goat-man!” 

“Hunter,” Bobbi sighs. “We get it. People are weird to think of a man who became part-goat because of an illegal experiment.”

“Obviously you don’t get it,” he huffs. “There are so many better ways to keep gets from getting down and dirty than telling them a half-man half-goat will murder them with an axe!”

“It’s Maryland, Hunter. They never do things the simple way.” 

“It’s all those bloody government agencies!”

“Baby, we’re a part of one of those government agencies.” Bobbi can’t even hide her smile anymore, and Mel rolls her eyes. When Hunter gets melodramatic like this he often forgets himself, but it’s never any less amusing.

“But - but -” He’s run out of steam by then, and eventually collapses onto the sofa, draping himself across Bobbi and Mel’s laps with a forlorn sigh. “If we ever go to Maryland we’re going to go to that place at night and find the goat-man.”

“I thought you just said he wasn’t real!” Bobbi has much less patience for Hunter’s antics than Melinda does. Mel reaches over to pinch her girlfriend gently. Hunter wanting to go to a lover’s lane with them in the middle of the night is decidedly not a bad thing - especially if it means they get a vacation out of it, too.

“He’s not real. But just in case he is I want to check.”

Melinda rolls her eyes again, but begins looking for flights on her phone. They can go to Maryland, disprove goat-man’s existence, and have some excellent sex while doing it. There is absolutely no downside to this.

(Except maybe being murdered by a half-goat humanoid with an axe.)


End file.
